Back to Basics: Musings on Falling Off Track

I’ve been incredibly stressed lately.  Things with my family, I’m starting my last (difficult) semester of college with the prospect of graduating and moving away from my mom for the first time because I’m getting married in August (did I mention I’m planning a very budget wedding by myself), and I’m turning 25 in a few months.  Everything is going great for me but there are so many big changes coming and so much to do and think about the next 6 months I’ve felt stressed and overwhelmed.

It started a few weeks ago with a few extra snacks at night and then the next day “I just needed a break”  I lost almost 140 pounds a few years ago so I figured a few days off and I could get back on track in no time….WRONG.  I was in a bad food place for about two weeks (still partially am).  The combination of stress and just being tired of watching everything I eat to maintain my weight got to me and instead of going a little off for the first time in my life it’s been weeks of an eating free for all.  I’ve gained 11 pounds and boy can I feel it.  All my pants are so tight and I feel awful.  All week I’ve been saying the next day was a new day and each day I’ve given in.  It’s been made hard by my mom, who suffers from binge eating disorder, but I am an adult and my food choices are my own.

I’ve realized that in my stress I’ve allowed myself to feel like a victim – upset by how hard I work to maintain my weight loss and upset my constant food and weight struggle and by feeling like a victim I’ve allowed food to feel like my savior when in fact it’s been my downfall.

So I went to the grocery store and stocked up on lots of fruit and some vegetables and stuff for roll-ups, sandwiches, some healthy snacks and some individual portions.  It may not be easy and it may not always feel fair but its my body and my health and instead of fighting how hard it is I’m going to workcongratulating myself on my commitment (if I can get it back).

So I’m going to try something new…Back to Basics.  Like when I first started losing weight I’m going to think of it as a challenge and get excited about ways to cook the healthiest so I can eat the most and be on the hunt for healthful and low calorie snacks.  The only thing holding me back is me.

Part of me doesn't like to share my failings and flaws with other people...but being honest with others is the first step to being honest with myself.